Back home, I logged in to find **** online. I was glad. Its been a while since we did some quality talking. And it was important that I tell him what I really felt about things now. Like I have said before, Lucky told me a few things before he left, and I made a few promises. I have begun to act on them, and do feel the difference. Its not tremendous but its taking place nevertheless. I am proud of the way things are begining to take shape. I am not sure what the ultimate picture is going to look like, but I know it will be pleasing. Excerpts of our conversation:

****: :) something is there isnt it me: told u- i am at peace....

****: i meant between us :)

me: all barriers between us are broken

****: :)

me: thats what i meant maybe we are part of the same soul or something

****: (deep breath)

me: (throws another pebble into the lake)

****: (lying on the grass and watching the stars

me: n says...
''see that pebble slicing through the waters...thats like our relationship...we do things to eachother that create ripples n disturbances in our lives, but thats only for a while....once the effect wears off.....its burried deep and the the waters are back to their serene self'' :)

**** :) perfect

I am not there just yet. I saw one of his friend's on O***t and wondered what she meant when she was saying what she was saying. I wondered if there was anything between the two of them. I know its none of my business. I know I must remain unaffected. Things will take time to get to the phase I would want them to be. It requires a lot of patience, strength, great love for myself and a lot of confidence in me and how I can charter the course of my future. I have all these in various proportions- I just need to acknowlege their existance and make them a part of my everyday life. So far, I am doing a good job of it. I'll just have to keep going.